Goodbye 2013, hello 2014

As I wrap up 2013 I can’t begin to say how much it has changed me.  It’s a year of ups and downs.  We celebrated two big birthdays this year, Leah turned the big 0-1 and Tanner turned the big 1-0.  Ryan and I celebrated not so big birthdays, but I do suppose another year is always worth celebrating.  All of 2013 was spent in clinics for me, finally putting to use the skills I had learned over the last several years.  I learned that a clinic is nothing like an ICU but yet another area where my passion has grown.  Before this year, I thought clinic was mostly runny noses, strep throat and ear infections. And boy was I wrong, like so many things we tend to stereotype.  

January marked celebrating Leah’s first birthday and we “upgraded” to a minivan-which I love by the way.  February marked Ryan and I going to our 5^th Chicago Auto Show together.  In March we visited Ryan’s brother for the first time in his new home in Peoria, Illinois.  We welcomed a new family member in April, our fun loving, sometimes (or always) ornery golden retriever, Chloe.  In May, we found out that we had a surprise bundle coming but were so excited to continue growing our pretty awesome little family.  June we hit the pool and enjoyed the outdoors.  In July we celebrated another Trimble family reunion in the Dells where we announced our little bundle was coming.  In August, with the help of both of our families, we painted the outside of our house-which will NEVER happen again.  In September our lives completely changed when we learned about Simon’s illness.  October was Tanner’s big birthday, November I went to Texas and finished my master’s degree.  And in December I passed boards.  It’s been a big year here for our family and we’ve learned much about our faith, grieving, loving and losing.  2014 will be a rough year for us as we’ll lose Simon, but even with that, I know God has great things in store for our family and that is what we have to focus on.  So with that, goodbye 2013.  And welcome 2014, a year that will be the hardest of my life but one I will continue to grow through as a mother, wife and Christian. 

A Christmas Poem for Simon

I wanted to share this poem that my mother wrote on Christmas Eve night.  She shared it with us on Christmas.  It's beautiful, thoughtful and catches so many of our emotions not only on that day, but about the situation in general.  Christmas was a great day, but hard as well, knowing it was the only one we would spend with Simon.  I'll update more and post more pictures (I promise!) this week.  We had a great time and a lot of great memories were made.

A Christmas Poem for Simon and Family

To my unborn grandson Simon, still in his mother's womb

Your family's anxious to meet you as we gather in a room

The day of your arrival should be coming oh so soon

Please Lord give us time with baby Simon, before you take him home too soon

We want to share our love with him and give him hugs and kisses too

And cradle him close to our hearts and sing a lullaby or two

Simon, once you get to Heaven you will meet some friends and family members

So say hello to your cousin Brianna, and tell her she is so loved and remembered

To my grandson Simon, still in his mother's womb

Please know our love for you will forever, forever loom!

Love,

Grandma

Let it strengthen you

It's been a busy (nearly) month since I've last updated on Simon and our family.  We've continued to feel at peace with the decision we've made about Simon's care.  In a recent sermon, our pastor talked about peace.  So many people feel like peace is "world peace" or a perfect resolution.  But there's another peace, the kind that we have.  Peace is finding that even when things aren't right, there's a belief that everything will be okay.  While the pastor was talking, I felt like the peace I feel is a "God's got this" sort of feeling.  And he does.  So that is what is making us go along, knowing where Simon will be when he isn't with us and knowing God will comfort us and share in our heartache.

We have also finished our birth plan and much of the planning for Simon. We have a few things left to do, but for the most part, we just get to enjoy every moment of the pregnancy.  I think I'm one of the few (or only) 8 1/2 month pregnant women you'll ever know that doesn't want her pregnancy to end.  But I don't.  I know when it does, I'll miss every kick, roll, punch...and maybe even the heartburn because I know who is causing it.

Also in the last month, I've passed my nurse practitioner boards.  I'm not going to lie-I'm proud of myself.  I was a teen mother and I didn't let statistics define me.  I hope that I am able to serve as a role model for someone else who statistics are against.  It hasn't been easy, but I always knew what my goal was.  I also have to say a huge thank you to my husband who has stepped up the last 3 years so I could achieve my goal.  He's cooked, cleaned, done the laundry, the dishes and made so many other sacrifices so I could work on homework, study or go to clinicals.  And he's listened to me when I needed to cry, vent or just talk about how frustrated I was with school.  He's allowed us to go into more debt and allowed me to not have to work full-time on top of going to school full-time.  He's been my biggest fan and one I couldn't have done this without.  I'm a lucky girl.

There should be pictures coming soon.  Simon has been busy.  He celebrated his first Thanksgiving, went to see Santa last week, has been Christmas shopping, helped decorate the Christmas tree and will soon be getting his first Christmas presents.  I'm very much looking forward to spending Christmas with him and our family, making memories that we will cherish forever.  And I can't even begin to say how thankful I am that we get this time with him, that we get to spend more days and have more memories with him.  

Here's a picture I found shared on Facebook.  I encourage everyone to read it and really think about it.  I know I've had so many people say that they don't know how we can be handling our situation the way we are.  I guess I'm not sure what I really answer but I do have two answers. The first is God and the second is this message.  So read, think about it and enjoy.  Leave the little worries to the side and even the ones that may seem big and enjoy the Christmas season with a little less stress.